If you’re reading this, you’re probably not a member of the Christian Right. So we thought we’d help you catch up on a couple things you missed. Don’t blame yourself if you didn’t catch these — the coded language of the moral majority grows more complex every year.
In a system of two parties, two chambers and two elected branches, there will always be differences and debate.
Means: This is why Gay Marriage doesn’t work.
In a complex and challenging time, the road of isolationism and protectionism may seem broad and inviting, yet it ends in danger and decline.
Means: You have my permission to kill abortion doctors.
At the start of 2006, more than half the people of our world live in democratic nations. And we do not forget the other half — in places like Syria and Burma, Zimbabwe, North Korea and Iran — because the demands of justice and the peace of this world require their freedom as well.
Means: I am not sure how to pronounce “Myanmar.”
So we’re seeing some old temptations return. Protectionists want to escape competition, pretending that we can keep our high standard of living while walling off our economy.
Means: Protectionism = birth control. Our economy = our nation’s supply of fertile teenage wombs.
Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms; creating or implanting embryos for experiments; creating human-animal hybrids;
Means: Even now, I am keeping you, the true believers, safe from a vast army of Mole People living deep beneath the surface of the Earth.